Heybabeimwearingurpanties
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
