I want to have your abortion
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
