Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
