We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
