I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
