3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
