even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
