Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
