wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My vagina is officially offended.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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