I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
