Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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