shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
