You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
