So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
