Texts From Last Night

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  (519): View more from Ontario

  so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?

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  (519): so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out? http://tfl.nu/i75k
  Replies (15) Good night (2224) Bad night (629)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  :( I miss blowjobs.

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.

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  (862): :( I miss blowjobs. (973): This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had. http://tfl.nu/jn5t
  Replies (22) Good night (2866) Bad night (792)
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  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

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  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (14643) Bad night (2064)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime

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  (918): We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime http://tfl.nu/yqbs
  Replies (24) Good night (4186) Bad night (973)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts

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  (620): my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts http://tfl.nu/naa2
  Replies (30) Good night (4405) Bad night (1160)
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  (562): View more from California

  the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

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  (562): the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon... http://tfl.nu/do0i
  Replies (94) Good night (20660) Bad night (1906)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on

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  (512): this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on http://tfl.nu/vnoj
  Replies (22) Good night (3631) Bad night (1353)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.

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  (204): Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out. http://tfl.nu/sq7d
  Replies (6) Good night (3226) Bad night (973)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.

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  (910): I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo. http://tfl.nu/5daz
  Replies (6) Good night (3594) Bad night (928)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.

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  (901): Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic. http://tfl.nu/8z3j
  Replies (7) Good night (2435) Bad night (598)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.

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  (306): Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians. http://tfl.nu/ykxr
  Replies (8) Good night (1171) Bad night (461)
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  (716): View more from New York

  That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information

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  (716): That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information http://tfl.nu/q7xv
  Replies (3) Good night (932) Bad night (317)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?

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  (330): I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit? http://tfl.nu/uql2
  Replies (3) Good night (564) Bad night (276)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them

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  (917): She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them http://tfl.nu/qyhd
  Replies (13) Good night (371) Bad night (687)
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  (818): View more from California

  I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room

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  (818): I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room http://tfl.nu/ovpj
  Replies (6) Good night (674) Bad night (267)

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