I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
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If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
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... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!