Texts From Last Night

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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  Thanks for throwing up on me.

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  (859): I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night. (1-859): Thanks for throwing up on me. http://tfl.nu/msvj
  Replies (3) Good night (621) Bad night (1173)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.

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  (609): ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked. http://tfl.nu/ufr2
  Replies (3) Good night (3306) Bad night (537)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.

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  (608): TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS. http://tfl.nu/ccyr
  Replies (11) Good night (2843) Bad night (821)
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  (518): View more from New York

  He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.

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  (518): He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here. http://tfl.nu/dgde
  Replies (15) Good night (630) Bad night (3269)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor

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  (732): im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor http://tfl.nu/d5hx
  Replies (18) Good night (4563) Bad night (891)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.

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  (202): Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology. http://tfl.nu/sp8t
  Replies (32) Good night (10064) Bad night (1186)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers

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  (512): She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers http://tfl.nu/jy5e
  Replies (11) Good night (1987) Bad night (3492)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that

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  (902): I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that http://tfl.nu/4tc7
  Replies (5) Good night (2778) Bad night (781)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes

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  (225): it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes http://tfl.nu/e457
  Replies (8) Good night (2579) Bad night (1267)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line

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  (401): Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line http://tfl.nu/kpx6
  Replies (12) Good night (2910) Bad night (919)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.

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  (717): And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes. http://tfl.nu/hx7l
  Replies (10) Good night (862) Bad night (486)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.

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  (337): Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment. http://tfl.nu/4czr
  Replies (2) Good night (806) Bad night (424)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.

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  (501): I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit. http://tfl.nu/ez6v
  Replies (0) Good night (892) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.

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  (717): Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward. http://tfl.nu/kv4q
  Replies (3) Good night (596) Bad night (331)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore

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  (603): The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore http://tfl.nu/4txe
  Replies (3) Good night (667) Bad night (270)

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