My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?