eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
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We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.