Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it. http://tfl.nu/dmrx
  Replies (13) Good night (1798) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom. http://tfl.nu/7aa5
  Replies (65) Good night (6357) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar http://tfl.nu/o7a0
  Replies (13) Good night (3841) Bad night (818)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg http://tfl.nu/cjr9
  Replies (65) Good night (18541) Bad night (1246)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw http://tfl.nu/9zj1
  Replies (32) Good night (8207) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa... http://tfl.nu/bbhr
  Replies (18) Good night (4918) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed http://tfl.nu/lwb6
  Replies (11) Good night (2112) Bad night (1328)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/bzms
  Replies (9) Good night (1283) Bad night (2491)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know. http://tfl.nu/0yrr
  Replies (3) Good night (2172) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other. http://tfl.nu/g6xu
  Replies (24) Good night (4624) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other http://tfl.nu/z80n
  Replies (14) Good night (1671) Bad night (4174)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is. (1-402): Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors. http://tfl.nu/lcrs
  Replies (6) Good night (1640) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me. http://tfl.nu/6e6y
  Replies (2) Good night (452) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job. http://tfl.nu/8nby
  Replies (2) Good night (707) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now. http://tfl.nu/04nu
  Replies (4) Good night (258) Bad night (690)

Randomize