I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.