you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
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Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.