nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
