I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
