official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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