Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize