you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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