I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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