im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
