Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
