you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
