Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
