p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
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How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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