yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
