if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We left the knife in your bed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize