Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
is it fun? or sober?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
