And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Drunk is not a location!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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