I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
