we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
