Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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