He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
my poor anus
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
