whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize