So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
