Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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