I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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