Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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