yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
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So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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