Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
