Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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