Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
