i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
