Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
