the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
His hands were made for my vagina.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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