TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it's like heaven, but drunker
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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