if you like me you must not know who I am
Only a mothe r could love this liver
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
