i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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