I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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