I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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