Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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