I can text with my tongue
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
