Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize