Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
