I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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