3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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