There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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