I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
