Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
someone owes me an orgasm
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
