there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
