AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
