uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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