just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
