Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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