Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
