I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
