Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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