Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
